I’m big, I’m not fancy and I dare you to not like me.
I’d thought I’d share my favorite Christmas song to go along with my Christmas post
It’s been a bit since I last posted, so I just wanted to do this since it’s by far my favorite time of the year. Every year, on November 1st, I consider it the start of the holiday season! I get beyond excited every year. I’m a freak about Christmas decoration, lights, TV specials, and music. A local radio station starts playing Christmas music from a day in November until after Christmas day. They decided to start the music today! My day has been made and I don’t think I’ll be turning off my radio for a LOOOOONG time :)
I’m going to cry when I use up my Hydrocodone. I got prescribed that from my ER visit last Monday from a ruptured ovarian cyst, which I still have horrible pain from, and it is absolutely the best thing I’ve ever felt. My chronic pain is gone, I only feel this warm and numbing sensation, I’m filled with calm, euphoria, and something that feels almost orgasmic. My always racing thoughts and my loud mind are completely silent. Everything’s going a lot more slowly, and all I wanna do is hug people and love things. It’s like the Buddha came to wrap me up in a blanket of bliss. There aren’t enough words to describe how I feel right now.
It’s been awhile, I wanted to make sure I got a post on here close to every day but a virus caused my laptop to crash 2 weeks ago. I just got it back tonight but I’m also incredibly exhausted so I’ll do a more detailed update post tomorrow as to what’s been going on the past couple of weeks. I’ll just say the past 2 weeks have involved a trip to the ER, my college work, and pain killers. I can wait to get back up and running on here tomorrow :)
I hope all is well with you guys!
Today my day was generally pretty good, although my old thoughts and feelings decided to return and I just didn’t beat them this time. I gave into them, letting them overtake my mind and my mood. I don’t know how this might sound to anyone, but it felt as if my thoughts and my mind became so loud I couldn’t hear anything else around me. After this episode I came to a realization
I can’t go about this alone anymore.
I decided to seek help from my college’s counseling center. I will continue what I’m already doing on my own, but I also need some support from someone who has been professionally trained in these issues. Regardless of the opinions of anyone who may be reading this and think that I’ll be better off dealing with this alone, what happened today seriously scared me.
I didn’t feel like me anymore.
Some other force took over today. A force of evil, darkness, and anything else that has been insisting on destroying everything I have worked for to get better. So I’m fighting back. I’m countering that force of negativity with one of light, optimism and hope.
I’m taking back control of my life.